THE GLAMOROUS & NOT SO GLAMOROUS LIFE & THE RESPECT IT DESERVES.

THE GLAMOROUS & NOT SO GLAMOROUS LIFE & THE RESPECT IT DESERVES.
 BY LOLA LA MONDE | CREATED ON JUNE 13, 2018

Exotic dancer, Adult Entertainer, Showgirl, Topless/Nude model… Unfortunately it seems it doesn’t really matter what you want to call yourself in the industry. I think everyone has arrived at a job & heard the words “STRIPPERS HERE!” yelled in the background by some excited party goer at some point in their career. It is not the most flattering comment but hey! If we are going to be real here you could at least keep your voice down! And yes, I know I know.. .I chose to do what I does, but that doesn’t give you the right to be an ass about it. Besides, if we didn’t do what we do your bucks night it would just be endless memories of Nathan* getting his wang out & doing the helicopter for a laugh. So it’s a catch 22 really isn’t it?

The Adult industry is as glamorous & not as glamorous as you think. Sure the pay is great! But what?!? You don’t think I need to pay an energy bill or put fuel in my car too? I have mouths to feed too you know! May seem a bit rich to some but $10 for a motorboat is pretty standard & not everyone will pay you for the extra party tricks so you really never know when you’re going to pull the ace out of the deck when it comes to this industry. There have been weekends where yes, I have been able to treat myself to an hour long massage because I have had the extra cash. Or bought myself some quality linen sheets that some people would die at the price tag of (after working all hours of the night a good nights sleep is better than sex). But then there have also been times where I will go weeks without work. Be it that it’s that time of year that it’s quiet or people just ain’t into you currently. This is something I think everyone tends to forget & something that I have learnt, so you’ve definitely got to make hay while the sun is shining.

So with that in mind, I have decided to take you through some of my personal highlights & low lights of the industry (please note this is told by me & my point of view. Everyone is different, it’s just a blog.)

First off lets start with RULES… When you sign up with an agency they send you out a list of rules & standards they expect you to abide by. SHOCK HORROR!! RULES?! Yes!! Believe it or not the industry has rules & guidelines that every good waitress& showgirl will follow. To be honest following the rules are a bit of a no brainer but hey! Common sense isn’t that common. After freshly reading all the rules & making sure I had all of my I’s dotted & T’s crossed I got my first job. It was a 3 hour topless shift with another girl. I remember walking into this holiday house in Noosa on the shore of the river. I was getting shown to an upstairs bathroom to get undressed & I remember thinking to myself “Well… You only live once right?” I walked down the stairs & made my entrance. I’ve never felt so free & bare. I mentally blocked all the stares, turned on my smile, told a few jokes to break the ice & that was it. I have never looked back.

Everyone has his or her own reasons for deciding to become a waitress, waiter or showgirl. Some do it for the money. Some for fun & some just like it. Some entertainers choose to have a ‘stage’ name & some keep their real one. At the end of the day does it really matter if you know our real names or what we do with our lives? I mean we are here aren’t we? Look boobs! My perfectly sprayed tanned boobs.

GROOMING… HIGH LIGHT! Okay so to some spending every Thursday night exfoliating & tanning may seem like a chore but to some (i.e. ME), its ritual. Relaxing. And you know when you wake up it’s finally FRIYAY! Weekend vibes anyone? Then there are nails. Be it salon sessions with Instagram worthy pictures or a night in with Carrie Bradshaw, nails really do give you that finishing touch. Finally… BANGS! Some of us spend HOURS in the salon chair getting roots touched to maintain that perfect blonde… or that gorgeous brunette look with curls flowing from head to toe. I know guys don’t really care about this stuff & some have their preferences anyway but I think we can all agree on something boys… It is nice to be surrounded by beautiful women. SO YOU’RE WELCOME. And that there was just the tip of the ice berg. Depending on the job it can take anywhere from 1-2 or dare I say 3 hours to get ready for your special occasion. So on that note let me touch on a low light with you.

ABUSE & SLUT CALLING… I’m just going to cut right to the chase. WE ARE NOT SLUTS SO STOP CALLING US ONE! For the obvious reason that we are getting PAID BY YOU to be there. You do realise that we all have ABN’S, pay tax & have our RSA’s right? So please, be nice. Your waitress or showgirl is there because YOU chose her & she has taken the time & made an effort to be there & to look good for you & help you celebrate your occasion. If you’re really not happy I advise you to phone the agency & have a chat to them about any issues you have in relation to your waitress or showgirl. I shouldn’t have to say this but I will…RUDE & CRUDE REMARKS WILL ONLY RUIN YOUR NIGHT & just like high school, word spreads fast & could potentially see you banned from many agencies for fowl behaviour. So let’s leave our tempers at the door & get on to a cracking night shall we? Because once you do, that’s when the magic happens, the silliness comes out & memories are born!

I often get asked what is the funniest/craziest thing I have ever seen at work? And to be honest my answer changes every weekend as there is never a dull moment in this job. I’ve seen more nudie runs than movies & heard more jokes than songs.

I was at a job once in Tin Can Bay for a bucks weekend that had been going since the Wednesday afternoon. (It was the Saturday when we were there). I was outside serving drinks when the best man came out in just his jeans with foil wrapped around his head with his sunnies on over the foil & a lit cigarette poking out from where his mouth would have been. He walked into the middle of the backyard & proceeded to scream & do the Hukka as loudly as one human possibly could. After his performance he put each arm through a leg of his undies & gave himself an ATOMIC WEDGY until he had ripped his underwear clean up & over his head! He then waved them around like a flag & through them into the fire. Why you ask? I don’t really know? Funny though! RESPECT! Speaking of…lets quickly touch base on that shall we?

RESPECT… Just a little, that is all I ask… I love my job. I love seeing people from all walks of life having a drink & sharing a laugh. You meet some very interesting people in this job but you know what really gets my motor going? Some MANNERS! Didn’t your mother teach you anything? “Excuse me, can I PLEASE feel your boobs” YES! You may feel my boobs. THANK YOU FOR ASKING hint hint Do I really have to state the obvious? Show us some respect. Not only as a professional but also as a human being. I could walk up to you, start poking & prodding at your junk & making comments about how flabby your butt is or how your mono-brow gives you that touch more class but I don’t... and I wouldn’t ever! NOT ONLY IS IT RULE, it’s quite violating & extremely rude! So please ask to touch & keep your comments to yourself. Besides how do you know if you allowed to touch at all? They might simply be there to put on a magnificent show. So respect is one thing that should most definitely be shown.

As I end with my final thoughts I wish to end this on a high & share with you some very positive & valid points I have learnt since doing this job.

A. Girls - don’t be so paranoid. BOOBS ARE BOOBS! Big, little, fake, round, pointy, jugs, no jugs, big nipples, little nipples… Boobs are boobs. As long as they are within sight, boys really don’t care what they look like! B. Personality WINS, so don’t be afraid to shine like the star you are! And finally… C. I love me! Just the way I am. Everyone has his or her own views & takes on what is beautiful & what is not. I have had my fair share of nasty comments & I have also heard some really lovely genuine comments. So really the only person beating yourself up about your appearance is YOURSELF! Love the skin your in.

Have fun & stay safe. Lola x**x**
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